Your First Visit to a Grave After the Funeral

The first time you go back to the grave after the funeral can feel very different from the day itself. Knowing what you'll see, and that whatever you feel is normal, can make that visit a little easier.

What the grave will look like

• A mound of soil or fresh sod, which will sink as the ground settles — see how long does a grave take to settle.
• A temporary marker from the funeral home with the name — see temporary grave markers.
• Funeral flowers may be gone; many cemeteries clear them within days or a week.

How you might feel

Some people feel peace; others feel the loss more sharply than at the funeral, when they were surrounded by people. Some feel nothing at all. All of these are normal. Go alone or with someone, stay five minutes or an hour — whatever you need.

What to bring

• Flowers in a pot or the cemetery's approved vase.
• Tissues and water.
• Something to sit on.
• A note or letter — see writing a letter to leave at a grave.

See what to bring when visiting a grave.

Bringing children

Children may have questions about the mound, the marker or where the person is. Simple, honest answers help. See taking children to visit a grave.

Thinking about the headstone

There's no rush. Many families order a headstone a few months after the funeral, and the cemetery may need the ground to settle first. When you're ready, see how long after burial to install a headstone and what to say when visiting a grave.

Key Takeaways

• Expect a soil mound and a temporary marker.
• Funeral flowers are often cleared quickly.
• Any feeling on the first visit is normal.
• There's no rush to order the headstone.

Next Step

See what to say when visiting a grave and how often should you visit a grave.